its summer and its raining....

huhuhu..pathetic summer holidays..its raining for almost 3days now..even tho i manage to go out yesterday... its very gloomy.. rain rain go away...hopefully it will be bright and sunny when me n my sisters go to london,manchester and cardiff.. cant wait... im sooooooooooooooooooooo super excited even tho it means more money.. hahah currently my bank account is in super critical state.. but its ok. i will somehow manage to survive.. i spend when i have the money... if i dont, then...i stay quietly at home doing everything that doesnt invovle money.. hahaha.. hmm nothing much had happen lately..
its difficult u know, when we let something go,or we give up...it hurt alot...and after awhile we somehow manage to pull ourselves together, live on...dont really think about it...then something happen reminding us about it, giving us hope that it might survive/happen...but then...we find out that we have to let go AGAIN...and go thru that hurting states of feelings and mind AGAIN... and it happens thousands of times to me over and over AGAIN... why cant i just stop it? why does it bother me? why it happens to me? why after the thousand times i still believe that it might happen? why after the thousand times it still hurt me?
i know that this will happen again,it will...but i dont know what will i do... do i react the same way as it happen to me the thousand times ago... do i react differently.. what do i do? how do i do it? when do i do it? is there a book title HOW TO LIVE THRU LIFE FOR IDIOTS like me? hmm bila agaknya perasaan ini akan berlalu selama lamanya?? gile jugak aku ni nanti...hmm sabar je la....

its fuckingly creepy ya know....

Errgghhh its fuckingly freaky n fuckingly sucks…. My fuckingly precious machine was attack by fucking spyware yesterday…and I fuckingly still could not remove it… its freaky because what the fucking hell is going on with my laptop.. it sucks because I could not sign in to the fucking YM since last night -even tho i appear to be fuckingly online all day and night- and im on holiday and I fuckingly have nothing to do… to those who couldnt reach me thru that fucking YM, im so fuckingly sorry for what happen, i have no fucking idea whats happening. hope to it will be fuckingly fine soon... so that i could fuckingly be in contact with my fuckingly great friends.....errgg totally fuckingly hate this...
ok enough with the fucking thingy..[hehehe please don’t be offended and yes.. I am still me…i promise that this will be temporary... ahakkss ]
okay...exams over...summer begins... yet i am trapped in my room n house... i manage to go out to town the other day... i bought a thing or two for my self...manage to get a skirt to be worn during these holidays... summer outfit.. hmm other than that..hmmm nothing much.. still havent started clearing my room.. tho it desprately need to be tidy up... and those files and papers as well...got to find a place to keep all those stuff.... and i also need to find a better place for my ever growing stuff...thinking about re arranging the room really..
i have nothing else to say...mainly because nothing much had happen.. i havent really give what happen this few days a deep thought. basically the pattern of my life is back..the predicted pattern... super hoping to talk to someone who can give me a slight ray of light on how to go thru life... looking for someone outside my circle but not a total stanger to me... acctually i found that someone really but still havent manage to talk heart to heart to that someone. it has started but did not finish... i totally did not want to go thru the same phase of life all over again. im really hoping to put a stop to it... but i dont know how.. it has got to stop because its killing my soul...
ohh ya..thats the picture i got from my cousin..on my departure day... gambar adalah hiasan semata mata...ahakss... ermm got to think on what else i could do today...erghh
FUCKINGLY HATE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yahoooooo

exam dah habis...yeay yeay yeay yeay yeay yeay!!!!!! suka suka suka..... wah seronok nyer aku!!! and my summer begins!! at last the holiday is here.. and to manchester we go...erggghhhh sronot nyer...tak sabau aku nak gi jenjalan. ok next, buat list barang nak gi travel nanti.. kita wat list barang2 nak beli.. wat list benda2 nak wat sepanjang holiday ni.. itu termasuk la ngemas bilik dan mengangkut komputer yg telah berkampung kat bilik makan selama beberapa hari ni.. ahaksss dahsyat ooo...tak penah la aku stadi sampai cam ni skali... ohh ye aku ada satu lagi module yg perlu dimentelaah...ishh ni nak kena menuntut ngan sisters aku ni... pastu nak lawan ngan abah..errkk..apa? module apa? hahaha module PS2 hahaahaha...tu nak kena berguru ngan abah!! wehh korang..jgn lupa buat sesi tutorial ngan aku ekk... seingat aku la kan...aku tak penah pegang benda2 game cam ni...haha..k la aku nak kluar melawat town yg telah beberapa minggu merindui kehadiran aku!! ahakkssss

hatiku mula ceria seperti matahari...

=D suka2 suka!!!!! semlm paksa abah teman pegi jalan... best2...siap beli bunga lagi tu....masa beli tu takde la happy sgt..tapi bila dah bayar tu, terus je senyum...balik tu pun rasa cam ceria je. tak depressed dah...suka...tima kasih abah!!!!
tak dilupakan juga penghuni umah33 sebab semlm memang sesi kerja intensif la...seronok betul aku buat kerja ramai2...seronok2 seronok. (ulangan sebanyak 3 kali itu penting bagi menunjukkan stress intonasi yg maxsimum dan approval, selain penekanan terhadap maksud perkataan yg diulang-house33). hahaha...BM aku hampeh giler...skema nak mampus. ohh ye..tima kasih mek woo sb bagi pinjam kamera untuk sesi self obses, sesi wajib di kala exam dan esaimen...tima kasih sophy dan sal sbb turut sama mengobsesskan diri bersama2... tima kasih leli sbb bagi pinjam props... tima kasih abah sebab tolong buatkan kerja umah... tima kasih ALLAH kerana menemukan aku dengan manusia2 ini...tima kasih kerana menceriakan hati ku seceria matahariMu...
maka hari ni boleh lah aku tersenyum sambil membuat kerja...hati ini masih tidak sabar untuk bercuti....tapi tidak lagi mendung seperti semlm..mendung telah berarak pergi.....pergilah...dan jgn kembali!!!!!!!!

mendung masih belum berarak....

TOLONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ni dah masuk tahap kronik dah ni...dah takde apa yg aku buat boleh untuk mengembirakan hati...call rumah pun sama je... cakap la apapun.... lion pun takleh buat pape... ishh lion ni!!! sama je...itu la perasaan aku,buat la apa pun... someone pleaseeeeee pleaseeee cheer me up... jom la...jom la kita pegi jalan2..meh la..tolong la aku...
sesungguhnya aku tak pernah rasa begini. ini dah kali kedua aku rasa camni sejak duk kat UK ni... homesick kah aku? demam peksa kah aku? aku nak nangis tapi tak terkluar air mata itu...ada sesuatu yg meresahkan jiwa aku...pada siapa harus ku luahkan rasa ini.. boleh tak lepas exam ni kita buat sesuatu yg boleh menghilangkan semua ini... aku nak....aku tak tau apa yg aku nak sebenarnya...
hari ni aku nak kluar, pegi ASDA....beli potato chips, beli coklat, beli choc cookies.. beli muffin...beli la apa2 yg aku suka...nak mkn bnyk2... make my self happy... beli bunga ke...ceriakan hati ku yg gundah gulana ini....
Ya Allah...ceriakan la hati ku seceria matahari Mu yg memancar menerangi seisi alam.....Amin!