lets get back to reality!!!

there is so much more to life!!! aku tak tau berapa org yg sedar apa yg aku rasa.. but i think its kind of obvious. hmm tapi semuanya sudah mula berlalu... pada malam birthday aku, ada seorang kawan ni cakap 'of course everyone loves u eqin' slow je dia kata...aku je kot yg dengar. tapi masa tu aku tak caya.. ntah la! dengan apa yg berlaku disekeliling aku, dalam hidup aku, hidup kawan2 aku, aku rasa cam un-loved and un-cared...aku takut nak teruskan hidup ini. aku takut aku sorang jer..aku takut aku kehilangan apa yg aku ada sekarang...aku takut sgt2. tapi semuanya berubah! ternyata aku ada manusia2 istimewa dalam hidup aku!! those angels who are sent from Heaven to touch my life! and sesungguhnya aku sgt2 terharu dgn kawan2 aku... sbb sorang kawan aku tu, mengenepikan apa yg berlaku dlm hidup dia semata2 untuk meraikan hari lahir aku...hmm I LOVE U SO MUCH BABE!!!!... pastu, sorang lagi kawan aku ckp, 'we all need each other' hmm barulah aku sedar, aku pun kena la bagi semangat kat kawan2 aku kan.. aku tak leh la camni [ceh,macam penting sgt jer..] tapi thats what friends are for..cam yg aku penah cakap..in times like this, friends are the closest blood we have! hmm pastu...ntahla... aku tak tau nak ckp camne. apa yg terjadi 2/3 hari ni sgt2 membuatkan aku untuk hidup. skali lagi, the upmost gratitude to all my friends especially to my abah n sisters!! eqin cayang korang slalu!!! thanks alot for everything!!!!

dulu bila aku camni, aku slalu ingat kat poem yg aku penah tulis..tapi aku tak bawak rupanya poem tu. tapi aku ada Lion, untuk ingatkan aku, betapa aku pernah melalui zaman yg sungguh gelap dalam hidup aku, sendirian! aku tak pernah lupa kenapa aku beli lion tu...sungguh2 aku mencari lion tu! satu midvalley tu aku pusing..aku kluar jugak sampai ke KLCC..dan akhirnya kami bertemu di situ... ahakss! [cam kesah chenta hindustan plakk..] dan sekarang aku ada ABAH, SOPHIE, SALLY, MC WOO, n LAYLEE untuk ingatkan aku pasal siapa aku.. n kenapa aku kat sini.. n kenapa aku mesti terus kuatkan semangat! diaorg tak perlu berkata apa2... apa yg diaorg buat untuk aku selama ini cukup untuk aku ingat semua itu.. hmm thanks alot guys!! i really owe u guys loads!!

ngeee sejak akhir2 ni, aku slalu je cakap pasal family aku kat sini...ramai yg tanya sebenarnya tapi nak wat camne kan.. mmg diaorg la hidup aku kat sini. dah real family aku jauh...takkan aku nak cerita pasal zaman aku kecik2 dulu plak kan. sabau je la korang ekk..

so..now im 21, i had parties for 3 days in a row, [ahaks so much for being 21... ngeee] and enough with the parties. have to get back to the reality... lets start by clearing my just-been-hit-by-tornado-looking room, and then we can start living in the reality again.. erghh that means 2 assignment n an exam paper! huhu

yup now, i am super positive that i can get through this life... with friends like all of you...who can't? last but not least... restu ayah bonda kuharap selalu, demi anakmu yg kini jauh....[apa kes la aku dok dgr lagu raya ni...hmm]. lagi satu..aku tukar template blog ni sbb aku dah boring tgk template kaler purple tu..tukar kaler la plakk.. esok bila aku boring, aku tukar lagi...hehehe..

still looking forward to a better n stronger me..but for now, aku nak masuk tido.. lagipun aku ada Bunny [thanks!!! menambah koleksi haiwan peliharaan kat bilik aku...Lion, Polar, Koala n now Bunny...] hmm... tido la eqin.. semoga hari esok menjanjikan seribu lagi sebab untuk hidup..

i had the greatest time ever....

i had a great day yesterday... started at sharp 12am on 28th of July, LAYLEE give me a kiss.ngee thanks babe!! that nite, i was buried under piles of cloth, making the costume for the ulek mayang dance. when i was about to ask Sally to try the skirt..they sang the birthday song. suddenly, out of nowhere, they started to throw flour at me...huhu sadistic giler!! it was tempting just to stop working n celebrate my birthday.. but i have to finish the thing for the performance!in the morning, i woke up, n was really tempted to ate my birthday cake, of course baked by my favourite iron chef, SOPHIE [thanks so much for the lovely lemon, covered in choclate n fruit cake!! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!] ngeee...then i was super busy with the 7 princesses, giving final touch to their costume. only till later that evening i had the chance to sit with my family for an early dinner n cake-cutting ceremony.. Thanks ABAH for the well wishes, and WOO for the pink candles n wishing me to be less pinky [contradic huh?].

sadly, we can't stay long and be merry like what we did on Sally's birthday... because of the international student party last nite, we have to get ready to rock the show. so..yada nada.. all went well last nite! and now its disco time! ngee.. *gulp* guilty as charge..i was just trying to forget all the misery and pay for my hardwork for the last 2weeks. i dont think im going to dance like that again.. ahaks!! malu-fying!!but im super happy!!!

but the party did not end there...me n Sally are going to have a combine birthday party tonite..of course it going to be great! last but not least, my almost-to-be twin SALLY [born 3days apart] thanks for the great party we are hosting tonite!! and tomorrow we are going to spend some quality time as a family [again]...thanks to all the birthday and well wishes from UK, M'sia, NZ and Ausie! thank you Allah for blessing me with such wonderful friends.. looking forward for a stronger n better me!!

me? 21? nahh!! no way...

wokeh..i will be super deadly busy dealing with 7 princesses, doing their costume and all, so i would like to take this free hour to write my last blog before i officially turn 21 years old...

so here i am..trying to find out what are my feelings now towards life today. and i cant think of a single feeling to be put forward. frankly speaking, i only know two feelings..happy n feelingless. for now, its feelingless.. bcos it certainly not happy...[baiklah..sat lagi aku pakai la perfume happy aku tu.. bior happy2 sket!] still wishing for a brighter and happier life as an adult. so here.. i would like to share some being-an-adult-promise..[some wont appear here is this blog but what the heck...]

as an adult, i NURUL YAQIN BAHRUM AZHAR promise to

*be more responsible for my own actions[like...u have to study for ur own sake!!]

*develop a more mature way of life [like bangun pagi for a start..ngeee]

*cherish the life who i met alot along the way to this adulthood [family n friends mostly..]

*remember the life lesson i pick up along the way [in relation to the guide on How to live LIFE for idiots!!]

*always remember what does it feel like to b a child [super important!!]

*be a better overall person, friend, sister, daughter, student and God's servant.

tomorrow -on my 21st birthday- i shall be buried under meters and meters of cloth..trying to put it together for our 2nd malaysian show here in UK. we will be doing the ULEK MAYANG dance.. ngee i hope it will take my mind off some stuff that were not so great to think of. and i hope we will party all night long... gee eqin! the college put up a party for u on ur birthday!!! ngeee....

so thats it... ergghhhh i miss my family, sisters[in ausie n NZ], my good friends all over the world [mostly in M'sia]. well on a brighter side of it..i have my family n sisters here in UK, and also some of my good friends with me..so cheer up eqin dearie..the SUN WILL SHINE TOMORROW...JUST FOR YOU!! [i promise u again...]

life updates!!

hi everyone..[tho im practically sure no one reads my blog more regularly than me my self...anyway, here goes nothing]. yakitiyak..ngee!!! sesi menyusun dunia telah tamat jam 4.30ptg tadi..yahooo!!! at last it ends!!! im more than relief to hear that. and it also ends the worse week in my life here in the foreign land ever!!! so all in all..we went out to celebrate it..the end to a stressful week n SALLY's 21st BIRTHDAY!!! [gee babe!! tua dah ko...hehehe...me turning 12 this coming thursday!!!] ya..it was great..but nothing much change tho i tragically need some sleep [after i have my dinner n a few slices of Sal's birthday cake!! of course..]. well other than that..no more updates! thats all folk..

me counting days to left this super wonderful life of a child!! hoping for a more greater, happier, fuller life as an adult soon...and ya...HANG IN THERE eqin dearie...LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE THIS BAD ALL THE WAY!!![i promise...]

menyusun dunia..

hmm..what a title for today's blog!! nak tunggu waktu subuh sambil mengeringkan peluh setelah berjaya berjalan pegi dan balik dari ASDA tetengah malam buta ni.. hebat ekk duk kat UK ni. dulu kalau memalam begini lepak kat warung kat bangsar, minum fresh oren ngan makan nasi goreng kampung...[abang opie!!balik nanti bawak kitaorg jalan2 lagi ekk]tapi bila duk kat UK ni, memalam begini.. turun naik bukit, meredah semak samun ke ASDA untuk membeli belah..siap beli telor, tepong, gula..ehh macam2 la ada!! sbb takde org kat ASDA tu, kitaorg pun sempat la buat keje gile sket2. main bola dulu seround dua.. aku ajak budak2 ni wat race trolly..tapi terbantut akibat kesesakan lalu lintas ngan trolly pekerja ASDA yg gabak2 tu. ngeee...saje je wat kerja keji setelah berjaya meng-squeeze otak mendapatkan ayat untuk presentation next monday.

tadi abah ada cerita pasal kejadian terbaru di bumi asing ini. hmm ntah la..takut plakk aku nak cerita kat sini.selepas 2 kejadian letupan di kota london, aku semakin malas nak kluar rumah. aku nak pegi city centre..nak beli barang sket. next week birthday aku, and seperti tahun2 sudah, aku nak masak la untuk budak2 ni. hmm korang..aku masak speget je bleh?? tgkla kalau aku terasa berani nak jejak city centre.

hari ni aku habiskan dgn meng-digest artikel menyusun dunia tu..lagi aku baca, lagi berserabut otak aku. lagi tak tersusun ada.. sowee la, otak aku ni simple jer, tak leh nak pening2 ni. ahaks.. sbb tu results aku pun simple jer.ngeee..[now i know the reason...ahaksss]

apa la yg aku tulis hari ni, tak de isi pun. as if im writing for the sake of writing but at least its a good practice. journal n reflection for the day.hmm oklah aku nak tido dulu sbb esok aku nak sambung proses menyusun dunia lagi... [ada je explode anak abah yg sorang ni...ngeee!!!]

that is the closest thing i got...

hmm..i was thinking to write last nite. but blame that fish and chips i had for dinner! i was super sleepy..cant even open my eyes to read or write anything[ngee...sowee sal..ngantuk gila semlm.aku lom baca lagi artikel menyusun dunia ko tu..] but yesterday was a quite a day for me.. with things happening here and there. it started okay and ends okay but in the middle of the day, it was super stressful. ya.. and at times like this,me being far from family, FRIENDS [and i do have my artificial mal-function family here...ngee!!]are the closest blood i have. at times like this, all i need is their support, at times like this, i just need to know they are there, at times like this, i want them to know i will be there to be with them, and at times like this, i know i can count on them.

my teacher once said, we love our sweethearts as much as we love our family. but it always appear as if we cherish our swethearts more than our family and when our sweethearts leave us, we tend to feel the lost, we cry, we mourn for the lost.. it doesnt mean that we dont love our family that much.. just because we know that our family will be there for us no matter what happen. because we know we can count on them on every occasion. because we know we cant loose them and they wont leave us alone. and thats why, sometimes, we take things for granted. we mourn our loses, but we forgot to count our blessings. thats what usually happen to me. i always remember the one who break my heart, but sometimes, i forgot to remember the people who make me smile, cheer me up, who are always there to hold my hand, sit besides me, and cry with me sometimes. Sorry frens bcos sometimes, i forgot to count my blessings, and when i remember, i always count you guys twice!!

exactly another 7 days, im going to turn 21. the age people say the key of freedom. to make decisions and to choose. and with that freedom comes responsibility [which i am very bad with..uhuks!!] the fact on having my own life really scares me.. i like it really when everything is done for me. cos i dont have to care for anything[ahaks...me forever being couldnt care less!!]. but then again, life isnt a fairy tale..and i am no princess waiting for my prince charming to wake me up from the long sleep[again with the dream of wanting to be sleeping beauty..ahaks...lucky b****-all she needs to do is sleep!!]. life must go on...and i have to grow up[another fact that i really hate].funny ya...when i was young, i cant wait to grow up...when i am here, all i want is to stay here. sometimes i laugh at myself, thinking about the stupid things i do in my life. believe it when i say i am more than capable to live in my own world, been there and done that. how? dont ask! when? not so long ago. but yeah...i dont want to go back and i thank God for giving me such wonderful life now, with loving family, great friends, bright future, and everything nice!! all that i worry now..can i make it out there?

[talking crap again eqin? ya..more crap!!skarang, marilah kita menyusun dunia..]

and they say....

they say bad things happen 3 times in a row!! how i wish it is true!! yup its has been 3days...3 bad days...what a way to enjoy summer!!

Monday- got back the assignment...bad!! not happy..

Tuesday- got the full results for sem1. never ever in my life i got marks as low as these...hmm nothing has change since yesterday!! babe!! what have u been doing all this while??[ebaying?] with marks like this u think mama let u work n travel ke? [of course not..but then again...]

Wednesday- thanks dude!! u really cheer me up with the presentation n assignment which due next week n in three weeks time!!

so here i am.. thanking God that three bad things has passed. Looking forward for more brighter, happier things to happen in my life.. yeah it sucks..but looking to a brighter side of it, it has woke me from a long sleep since im here in a foreign land.

once upon a time, in a far away land....a girl who wish to be a sleeping beauty [caused that what she really loved to do..sleep!!] has been awaken by hideous monstreous thing called MODULE MARK...and she woke up with a thought 'what a way to woke up.why cant a prince charming woke me up!!' but then again...this is the real world!! reality bites...and yeah it hurts!! ouchhh...

hmm..livestrong!!gambatene eqin san!!! chaiyok!!

me broke [d expected] and tan [d unexpected]

hmm...sebenarnya kalau tolak kejadian kat london tu..aku rasa vacation ni mmg best!! sbb kitaorg mmg enjoy giler...bak kata kawan aku... 'mangkuk mana la yg ruin my perfect vacation ni...sekeh kang!!' just aku masih blum stabil sebenarnya.. ok la..dah la..lupakan je la pasal tu... dah seminggu pun..

so as expected im broke!! super deadly broke.. tak sanggup nak gi check my bank balance.. takut sehh!!! kang ada gak yg pengsan kang... london was great on monday.. it rains a bit..but it was great..sesat kat liverpool street. ntah apa yg di cari pun aku tak tau...then, jumpa azmi.. had dinner with him and as usual we all lepak ngan dia kat hostle mara. talk crap n some great stuff.. he never fails to amuse us..Cheers mate!! cant wait till u invade plymouth..just give us a ring..

then to manchester in the morning rush hour...more than 4 hours bus ride from london to manchester.. rainy manchester....went out browsing the town all evening.. found a great place to shop.. huh!! hopefully tomorrow is a better day.. and yes,it was all sunny and great!! went to the old traford...did some shopping.. im not even a fan of football.. spend the rest of the day shopping with my frens.. yup shopping spree in machester.. couldnt get enuf on the second day..we went out early to bid the crowd.. and now im a proud owner of a manchester united jersey with my name printed on the back... hey..got a bus to catch at noon dude!! and the drama begins..ahaks...too painful to be remembered.. so yada nada...on my way to cardiff.

so cardiff! earlier than the plan.. the moment i step out on the first day.. aku ni kat UK ke dah balik mesia ni?? panas giler la beb.. terbakor aku!! [the unexpected part..it was seriusly hot and burning!! me? tan? not a good sign!!!] couldnt believe it.. cant wait for abah to come tomorrow!! cardiff was indead a great place to shop errkk live i mean...living just minutes walking to the city centre... it is a great place..nice parks, great shopping with starbucks to cool me off on hot summer days..beautiful castles, great carboot sales.. and it even have a hardrock cafe..huh?? why cant we have it in plymouth??? pathetic!! its a shame we didnt have the chance to visit any of those castles.. wishing to go back and enjoy my days in cardiff. to all my warm hosts[sama hot ngan cuaca nyer.. hhuhu] many thanks for having us!! sorry for any inconvienient!! to the dude who had graduated last monday...congrats and sorry i didnt get anything for u!! hope u enjoy our company...[mahal weh tiket pegi and balik cardiff!!]. =D

so i got back to plymouth in the end [really love the train journey..it was great...but expensive..]and for the countless times...BROKE and TAN.. huhuhu...sedey...got to work beb..earn more money for the next trip... cant wait for a skii trip, n sis...promise me no more shopping spree???!!! please... huhuhu...i got to have that zara suit i have been eyeing on for ages... got to have it really soon babe!! or should i wait for next year summer line? hmm.. should i or shouldnt i? err guys one more thing....can we go to london next holiday..kind da miss that place...hmm home sweet home... got to go back to my daily routine..and the best part of my day is, dinner at eight, every night without fail!! im loving it...

kenapa baru hari ini??

hmm pelik ya...kenapa baru hari ini aku terasa akan kegusaran itu?? kenapa semlm walaupun aku bimbang, walaupun aku berdebar...aku seolah2 tenang... seakan tiada apa yg berlaku. seolah2 aku tahu apa yg aku boleh lakukan...dan apa yg sepatutnya aku lakukan...hmm..entahlah kenapa hari ini aku gelisah..perasaan ingin pulang ke plymouth membuak2...terasa ingin terbang pulang ke bilik ku... seandainya terjadi sesuatu..sekurang kurangnya aku berada di plymouth.

mungkin keadaan begitu genting semalam... kronologinya begini: 7 july 11.30pagi aku bersendirian di Arndale Manchester...tgh shopping sambil berkira2 untuk membeli sehelai baju. pada saat itu, sal ntah ke mana..sophie, laylee dan woo dah di station bus manchester, untuk ke london jam 1200tghari... tiba2 phone berdering..sarah, welfare officer kolej, bertanya di mana kami berada.. pelik-hati ku terdetik.. aku cakap je la..kitaorg still in manchester..but should be on the way to london in a few hours. 'Yaqin, im afraid u might not be able to go to london, there are bombing in london..have u seen the news?' Tuhan saja la yg tahu saat itu...aku bimbang kalau2 sophie, laylee dan woo dah naik bus.. tiba2 teringatkan suraya and the geng...ya Allah!!! diaorg kat london... terus saja ku tanyakan khabar mereka di london... 'im afraid i couldnt contact them at the moment' ...Allahuakbar!! ya Allah...doa saja yg mampu ku panjat kan buat mereka.. terasa bagai gugur jantung ini.. selesai panggilan itu..2message tertera di phone..'abah' Lex dan Joe..hmm...syukurnya aku..bila aku boleh mengatakan yg aku di Manchester instead of London.. call laylee, woo, sophie..takde sapa pun yg angkat..sudahnya aku msg.. terasa macam nak nangis...tapi hilang semua perasaan.. ntah ke mana..

sampai je di station bus manchester.. sophie kata kita straight ke cardiff.. hmm ke nak stay je kat manchester? hati terdetik untuk pulang saja..cardiff bukan jauh.. 3jam je dari plymouth.. tapi tersedar aku.. ada janji di cardiff.. bukan sekadar melancong... setelah tiket ke cardiff di beli.. aku mula tenang kembali.. jam menunjukkan pukul 1.30tghari... baru di saat itu aku tersedar.. aku sedikit pun tidak excited untuk berjalan kali ini... barang pun aku pack di saat akhir.. bilik pun aku kemas ala kadar.. list pun aku tak buat.. ntah kenapa...semua nya tak kena.. malas... ntah la... bnyk yg mematikan mood aku kali ini.. ada saja perasaan yg kurang best... sesaat itu juga..message Joe ku trima 'mama suruh ko balik plymouth' hmm...apa yg aku nak kata ni...tak kan aku nak cakap plak.. risau plak mama nanti...ye akan balik...tapi singgah di cardiff malam ini.. serentak itu juga...aku mula tidak senang... aku hanya mampu berdoa agar kami selamat .. Amin!

sepanjang perjalanan dan selama 6jam itu juga aku cuba buang segala perasaan.. aku terasa nak balik.. tapi aku berlima.. tak kan aku nak balik sorang plak..ku biarkan saja perasaan itu...perjalanan ke cardiff sungguh jauh terasa..sepanjang perjalanan..sangat bnyk msg dan panggilan di terima..terima kasih kawan2 yg mengingati... malam tu, sampai di cardiff... mujur jua badan penat..mudah saja la untuk aku tido..

dan hari ni, aku terasa nak call rumah...and nak balik!! tak terluah kenapa...tak tahu bagaimana..tapi nak balik!! puas sudah ku sujud menghadapNya..sudah ku panjatkan doa..sudah cuba ku tenangkan hati ini dengan ayat suci.. sudah!! tapi hati ttp terdetik... terasa ingin ku luahkan tapi pada siapa? bagaimana? apa yg sebenarnya perlu di luahkan.. perasaan itu masih sama seperti semlam.. tak terluah apa... tak tahu bagaimana...jauh sekali kenapa... aku tiada jawapan untuk soalan itu... akhirnya.. blog ini juga tempat ku luahkan segalanya..

hati ku masih seperti semalam... mulanya tenang.. namun bila tiba lewat petang..aku mula terasa debarannya.. pada saat ini.. aku resah sgt...rasa cam nak balik mlm ni jugak...

the last one before im deadly broke...

=D wokeh...this is my last blog before me n my sisters go for our summer holidays... hehehe..me n my sisters only..sbb abah kena tinggal!!! abah kena kerja..kena cari sesuap nasi nak bagi anak-anaknya yg 5org ni makan... hahah.. cian abah.. kerja elok2 ye bah... jangan nakal2!! anak2 takde... masak pun elok2 ye.. jangan sampai terbakar rumah...[berpesan kepada ummi di Welly juga!!!] hahaha but anyway he will join us in cardiff... so c ya there ye abah... we will miss u loadss.. and do miss us!!! [he definately will... wanna bet??] ohh ya..thats him...in his fav colour...ABAH!!!!!

hmm in my next blog i shall write bout my trip...and also i will start working by next week.. hopefully...because i will be deadly broke by the time i come back from Cardiff. one week holidays...yup the chance to breathe a different kind of oxygen.. the chance to leave my footsteps all over europe...and the time shall come to me..hmm hopefully i will have the money to travel... got to work babe!!! and save some at the same time.. so no more ebay for me.. exception given to the three tins of versace jeans in order to complete my collection [it has started and gone this far..no point going back...rugi la wei!!!]err... and also anything that i figure is nessesary at any given time...ahaksss!!

ermm...oh ya..some people ask what happen during the f***ing era...hmm actually i watch this great movie... seriously it was a great movie bout a bodyguard in mexico.. hmm i cant remember why suddenly the word become a joke for us...but alot of lines in the movie was great[got nothing to do with the f-word].. hmm like it stick to our mind...cant describe really..for example Woo's fav 'Revenge in a meal best served cold'...me and Sally like the part when it says 'its my job to arrange the meeting'.. Laylee like the Miss Nanya Business part...[refer to my testimonials for futher information]. you have to watch the movie to really believe its good. what movie u say? hmm MAN ON FIRE... but i dont think watching it again will be as great as watching it the first time.. anyway its a true story...ya...quite shocking really..

ok enough with the movie review..guess i filled this week holidays with movies..had a movie marathon yesterdays. hmm nothing much except that we still havent find a ticket to come back to plymouth...hmm kita berhijrah je la sis.. kita bermastautin je kat cardiff tu..leh beli ayam halal kat ASDA..hmm.. kita tukar uni..tukar course ke...tukar course yg ngarut2 tu...[apakebendanyer la yg aku duk merapu ni...hmm...risau sebenarnya..] ok la... i think thats all for this time nyer blog...see ya in 10days.i promise u..when i come back[hopefully i will] i will write bout the trip n my sisters...hmm okie.. bubye all..take care.. pray for our well being and safety!!

[crap and more crap!!! insaf la wahai insan....]