and the sun shines..

what a shame..
oh such shame...
the sun is out
lovely day!
oh what a shame...
a waste of sunshine..
because im trapped in the library..
drown under piles of books...

28th April 2006, Library Marjon, 1500

tetiba teringat plak at a poem i used to like soo much...

Schoolboy by William Blake..

I love to rise in a summer morn,
When the birds sing on every tree;
The distant huntsman winds his horn,
And the skylark sings with me:
O what sweet company!

But to go to school in a summer morn, -
O it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day
In sighing and dismay.

Ah then at times I drooping sit,
And spend many an anxious hour;
Nor in my book can I take delight,
Nor sit in learning's bower,
Worn through with the dreary shower.

How can the bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?
How can a child, when fears annoy,
But droop his tender wing,
And forget his youthful spring!

O father and mother if buds are nipped,
And blossoms blown away;
And if the tender plants are stripped
Of their joy in the springing day,
By sorrow and care's dismay, -

How shall the summer arise in joy,
Or the summer fruits appear?
Or how shall we gather what griefs destroy,
Or bless the mellowing year,
When the blasts of winter appear?

uhukkk...and this term i have to take up Literature again...or was it Litorture? uhukk... hope it wasnt so bad reading children's literature. honestly, i dont mind reading any of those literature pieces.. seriously! and reading it wasnt so bad...its the understanding-it part is THE nightmare..

ok la...the reason im here wasnt really to blog...but trying to read Robert Browning... uhuk.. in order to understand his words u have to know hell alot about him... even trying to read and understand the interpretation of his poem pun membuatkan aku membuka dictionary...uhuk...WHY oh WHY??? Why do i have to do this on a bright sunny spring day????

*jeles tgk org putih dok berjemur...aku nak berjemur kang tak releven plakk uhuk...*

matter of interest..

conclusion..

selalunya conclusion org buat bila kat akhir karangan.. bila dah introduction...dah abis analysis..abis discussion.. barula org buat conclusion... but in life, sometimes, ppl make conclusion without following the steps like writting an essay..and im included.. im terrible at writing conclusion but sometimes i make conclusion without realising all other things involve... and since im not really good at conclusion, i always end up with bad conclusion.. huhu.. yeah..pathetic me! say what u want..

why im writing this is bcos i feel that people around me have been making conclusion about things..

i have my personal issues.. i feel insecure... i have been running away... i have been shutting down myself towards those who are close to me.. i built a barrier.. i built the tension.. too many things happen lately... i loose touch to some things..i have been dealing with issues while im 10 000 miles away.. i know i miss some of the things back home.. i havent spend much time home now.. i know!

i just need to go away for sometime.. im sorry i did it this way.. but i still miss u guys.. i still love u guys.. i have no intention of hurting u guys..

im sorry what i did hurt u.. but im hurt too.. i wasnt feel welcome... i wasnt feel needed.. i wasnt wanted to be there..i dont feel that i belong there anymore...im sorry but thats what i feel... maybe this is all my fault... blame me.. shut me if u want..

honestly, i miss someone.. i miss her damn much..i love her... someone that i love so bloody much like my big sister...i look up to her... u r one of those people who leaves footprints on others hearts.. but i dont think she miss me... well, i dont know. i dont want to make conclusion anymore...cos sometimes what we see doesnt always what it is...what i think doesnt always true to what really happen.. so let me ask then..

so, do u? .....

and of course why would i want to miss that stupid fucking 0-800-biatchs??? urrrgghhh...

they are still impressives...........................

messing with other's life while they are 10 000 miles away? hebat arr korang...


*note to panglima: another reason why i dont want to go back.. huhu....add it to our list..huhu

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
takde kena mengena ngan topic...

last nite i dream of something nice...
if only it would be true..
but then...
it will just make life more complicated..
but then....
thats what i would like to happen...
but then...
what i want doesnt always be the best for me....

why is it so hard for me to understand that??

and yet...

even 10 000 miles away...
they are still who they are...
urggghhh talking about those 0-800-biatchs...
i cant believe it!!

impressive...

i must say...

please keep them away from me!! they are not gonna take me down... this time round they gonna eat their own medicine.. [ooppss spending too much time with doctors thats it..hehe] this time round its all about me.. this time round its me who is going to shine.. this time round im gonna make it work for ME...not anyone else.. urrgghh!! they are so gonna eat it... i will make sure of that..

thanks to those who prayed for me.. BE STRONG!...

only 2 words...but coming from u guys..its enough to keep me going! im sure i will...thanks!! =)

out of here....gotta run for class... adios..

[new]

so. ok.
new term.
new life.
new things.
new vission.
new mission.
new laptop??
new boyfriend??ngaaa...ishh apa nih eQin.. kata nak study?? uhuk... gotta work on that 1st class degree!!! chaiyook eQin.. kata Srikandi... mesti boleh arr....

-perjuangan Srikandi Selatan yg baru bermula..-

life wasnt even nice esp without darling to keep me company..but i manage to live on. hehe.. soon im going to get a new one. thats it. case closed. cant waitttttttttttt...............

and so my friend did came n visit me... and thank God so much for letting the sun shine so freakingly bright on Friday..and we had the best of time in the Hoe and Barbican..well at least i did!!-sedapnyer eskrem tuh...uhuk- hehe.. see!! i told u... Plymouth is a nice place to live kan??? hope u enjoyed the trip down south. hehe...ohh and thanks for the lion teddy u bought me.. it was very nice of u... *hugs and kisses*

and so now i have 2 lion teddies to remind me who i am.. why im here.. and keep me company. at least now i have somebody who wont dare to hurt me just bcos im too bloody nice!! so Panglima [duh...its so obvious who gave it.. huhuhu] you and Lion have serious bonding work to do... keep me safe from hurt and from those freaking 0-800-biatchs..urrrgghh plis remind me about them! (^_^)

so many things had happen...few days. enough. life turning. heart breaking. friends reuniting. soul destroying. hectic. laugh. smiles. tears. bitching[uhuk]. missing. loving. hating. ohh too much!! too much!!

sorry couldnt update frequent enuf... no resources. wont be updating much. maybe not even after i get a new laptop. cos im starting on my bloody dissertation project this term. and i wont get much free time cos im back with the primary department again....tuesday is officially the day i hate the most this term! urrrggghhh!!!

wokeh...moi out of here.. gotta run for class!!

OMG! check this out..

hehe..i never thought it could be true..ohh it does exsist for REAL!!!

OMG...
OMG...

cant believe it.. ohh here is my story... trust me i did it bcos im desprately bored and i dont bloddy have anything else to do.. uhuk and so i google.. 'ideas for dissertation'.. and i came upon this very attractive website offering very tempting offer...hmm..
www.customessay.co.uk 'ideal for UK students'..... tempting isnt it??? wait there is more...

they even speciallize in education essays.. and they have experiences in writing about english as a second language.. and other sub-subject and subtopic i learned before.. hmm.. seriyesly [note to self: must stop using seriyes..use the correct spelling: serious..uhuk] maybe i should give it a thought..hmm...
ohh they offer instant quote...lets figure out how much it cost to cheat? so i ask for a quote...

a 10000 degree level dissertation for a 2.1 class... and it would cost me...

huh??? £600? blimey... might as well buy a superb laptop n work on it myself.. thats just 2.1 class. if u opt for a first class degree..it would cost double! uhukk...definately will work on my dissertation using my own head.. *knock on head: tong!! tong!!* tho it does sounds empty...uhukk...maybe not as empty as it appears to be.. we will see how..

gosh...

i was supposed to surf for dissertation ideas...and decided what to write!! huhu..blogging plakk dia..

wokeh..out from here..cant wait for my tetamu to come over for a visit..hehe..getting over excited now.. uhuk!! ohh pray the sun will be out on those days.. so we can go jalan2..and i can show off that plymouth IS a nice place to live..hehe..

tamatlah riwayatnya..

its comfirm that the laptop is beyond repair here in UK.it would cost just under £500 to repair it..might as well buy a new one for now.So, im going to buy another one..smaller spec..and most likely take Darling home to M'sia with me.. and repair it.. and the new one possibly give it to sis.. cos i definately will try to have Darling back wit me!! ohh Darling..cant wait till i have u back! u know how much i hate change!!!

Darling...i mish u..

so confirm. new laptop. no europe trip. huhu.. and there is no sunshine!!!

depressing..
depressing..


need a new bouquet of flowers...tulips to be exact!
need to cheer up.. need to smile...arggghhh!!

T_T

tangisan perajurit gempur srikandi selatan...

sedey nyer saya.....T_T

my darling died yesterday..

oh God..bencana apakah ini.. huhu T_T

the one thing i never imagined..thought it would never happen this soon.. a reminder that we will just die anytime. anywhere. for any reason..

out of nowhere..no clue.. no sign..it was alright one minute..then it died..in front of me! in a blink..

yes im sad..
yes im devastated
yes im heartbroken
yes im falling apart..
yes im shattered


but i took it as reminder..life on earth is short.. make use of it.. to lead to a better life hereafter. so..

aku redha..
dgn ketetapan Ilahi..
dugaan sebesar zarah buat aku..
ujian tak seberapa..
moga ini menjadi satu peringatan abadi..

what ever it is..

i would like to express my undying love to my beloved darling.. my window to the outside world.. my express way to reach out to my other beloved.. my darling who is with me thru thick n thin.. snow n sunny.. cold and hot... summer n spring...autumn n winter.. holiday and school... stay up all night with me on assignments nights.. keep me company... with me when im happy.. when im sad.. when im mad...when im excited..

terimalah kenyataan eQin.. tiada benda di dunia ini yg kekal abadi.. redha la dgn ketentuan ini.. anggaplah ini satu pendidikan jiwa...

God...please make me strong.. strong enuf to get me thru this.. T_T esp in this state of kekeringan duit...i only have £200 from europe saving.. T_T huhu..bubye europe!! i will never get the chance to see any of it..

argghh...dugaan apakah ini??? beratnya dugaan ini tak tertanggung oleh ku...

pemergian LAPTOP kesayangan ku...setelah setahun, 2 bulan, 18 hari bersama ku..

kini cuti ku tiada makna lagi...T_T

adios.

moi away for holiday till i dont know yet...

rasa2 dah boring jalan esok...aku balik arr...hehe..

take care everyone...pray for my safety n well being. adios.

huhu..comfirm rindu katil punya! uhuk...