it has been a while...

yup it has been a while i havent been intrested in horoscopes....i cant remember when i started to stop reading my daily horoscopes...i do not say that i trust it..but ussually at the end of the day it is true or some part of truth is there... and with the joint horoscopes this frenster offer..im more than excited to read it...this is what it was read in Monday 30 May 2005, joint horoscope with someone close to me....'There's no point in yielding to a seductive something (or someone) that your common sense just knows is a terrible, terrible idea. Save yourselves some trouble' . some how it shows what am i suppose to do with that someone..huh..too bad if this is true...but i still believe that time will tell the tale!! whatever...
i had some time to browse thru my frens blogs..huhh...most of it...just blank pages!! why take the trouble seting it up if u did not want to fill it up with words??? huh...couldnt understand why... and after reading 2 of my frens blogs... i realised that i did not have any entree in english...only in malay language or my forever famous ROJAK...mixture of BM and Eng.funny ya...long time ago..when i used to keep a diary, i always write in english, i find it is more easy (shouldnt it be EASIER???) to express my self in english. n the question is why not anymore now? am i sick of english??? ohh God!! please don't!! i still have the whole life to work in english..huh!! ya rite..i will never ever sick of english or english books!! fictions of course...i want to read some of my books that has been sengih-ing on my shelves for ages (some are bought in London...) i still have 2 more assesment to go...so maybe i will just save all the story books for my summer holidays..
long summer holidays...i dont have the money to tour europe yet..yet? shouldnt it be i dont have the money to tour europe anymore??? i have been spending alot and i mean alot on ebay....have to, desprately need to, find some kind of another amusement to amuse me during the long summer holidays. some kind of amusement that dont need money to keep me amuse...tho shopping can easily fill up my time, any time!! or better, can it be something that will give me more money...am i thinking of going to work?? yes i am!! eqin u have to!! go and find some kind of work... burn some calories u have been piling up...earn some money so that u can travel europe before its time to go back to M'sia and maybe spend some more on EBAY...it is still an amusement to me!! and i am not obsess to EBAY!! am not!!
what have i been doing for the last four days? erk...three...i manage to finally wash some of my laundry,i tidy my room..well after the makcik cleaner said ' ohh come on...get organise!!! look at sophie's room!!'....huhuhuu...okay okay..i will...and last nite it is all tidy!! still couldnt believe it..it looks like someone's else room..sooooooooooooooooo noooooooottttt meeeeeeee!!!! erk...uwekk!! not my room!! this is sooooooooo not my room. =D just couldnt believe it... and the thing i hate the most after each time i tidy up my room is....where is my book? where the heck is my pen? bloody hell, where is that stupid fucking scissors? and where and where...and more where? and i could not find a thing in my own room...huh!!!
what have i been talking about? crap and more crap..huh..go to bed eqin!!! past ur bed time already....

from my sincere heart

i have to tell u this (to that particular someone who changed my life a few degrees)....
come and love all you want, only when u know u wont break my heart, cos i dont want to go thru it all over again
come and love all you want, when you can really offer the best heart security, i have been looking for all this while
come and love all you want, only when you love me for who i am, cos i dont want to change for any other person
come and love all you want, when you know the world will be a better place if we are in love...

setelah berkurun tidak menjenguk

hello..sorry la sbb lama tak update blog. (last serious entree was 3weeks ago)bukan apa...bnyk keje. then, sibuk ngan my new obssesion EBAY...sampai tukar nama tu... apapun aku masih blum melupakan blog yg menjadi tempat luahan perasaan ni...
beberapa ketika lalu..sesuatu terjadi dalam hidup aku...hidup aku mcm ni lah slalunya...perkara2 yg bisa mengubah hidup aku sehingga 60-70darjah, adakala sehingga 90-180 darjah, akan datang bertimpa2. lepas satu satu...dan selalunya dalam jangka masa yg pendek, talking about a few days here. dan slalunya aku akan terlupa untuk mencatat perkara sebegitu...sebab tak sempat nak analyse perasaan sendiri.
cam yg aku cakap dlm entree sebelum ni...May Ball, esaimen, Ebay, nak chat dgn that particular person yg telah mengubah hidup aku beberapa darjah... huhu..
May Ball-my first ball. apa perasaan? ntah biasa je...i had fun but it wasnt that great. suka tapi biasa je. kenapa? tah not my type kot party cam tu...i like to party but not that kind la kot. i love to hang out lagi rasanye... not club. it was great fun tho...thanks to Sal, Leili, Julie, Doreen, and Vysia.
Ebay telah mula membosankan aku, mana taknye....brapa botol dah perfume yg aku beli...berapa bijik dah jam yg aku ada... brapa helai jeans Levis n tshirt yg aku pungut? huh....ni proses nak cari handphone plak... oklah..lepas ni aku beli untuk family je la...my bros n sis.
Esaimen....4 down and 2 more to go....i want holiday!!! i desprately need a holiday..and i have short 4days holidays this week. what a long weekend. hope to do some homework n clean up tho.. apart from tido sepuas puasnyer...ahaksss looking very2 forward to trip to Manchester this summer holidays...walaupun kenkawan kat UK ni berebut rebut balik mesia!!! apa kes tau sibuk nak balik??? tak paham aku...
YM chat....dah lama aku tak chat, i mean seriously talked to someone...dulu aku ada saiful or andy, tempat aku bercerita. then this particular person from my past life yg aku dah tinggalkan kat M'sia, muncul kembali dan kehadiranya agak mengconfusekan aku. tetiba hidup aku rasa cam pelik...tapi lelama aku ok je.. dan sekarang aku dah ok. cuma what to become of it...im not sure. tapi bagi aku let the time judge it...aku dah malas nak pk. aku tak mahu mengatakan apa2...bosan gak ekk hidup aku ni....huh!!!
ok lah....setakat ni dulu...im so hoping to update this blog more regularly ...sbb ni la learning journal, ni la aku nyer profesional development diary, ni la personal blog aku, dan ini lah segala galanya...apart from my precious VERSACE JEANS EDP collection i got from EBAY!!! =p

so many thing so little time

seme pun nak wat masa ni...nak wat esaimen nak gi ball nak chating nak mengEBAYing.....macam2 ada....huh....saje nak ekspresi diri setelah berjaya menyelamatkan diri dari mati akibat terlalu bnyk esaimen...huhuhuhuhuh aku nak gi tido jap...ngantuk arr!!!

perlukah hati ini berdarah semula?

perlukah aku menangis lagi? perlukah aku mengingatinya? perlukah perasaan itu diluahkan? perlukah aku? perlukah ia?
huhuhuhu...kenapa ekk??? sejak 2 tiga hari ni...aku slalu je teringat kisah lama... sedih pun ada...esp bila sesuatu itu berlaku.... kenapa perasaan jeles tu mesti ada? kenapa aku mesti cemburu....kenapa? argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh kenapa pada saat aku terpaksa menyiapkan assignment yg berlonggok2 tu....perasaan itu hadir? kenapa tidak masa aku tak de keje nak buat???? erggggggghhhhhhhh kenapa aku mesti buat assignment pada masa aku nak mencurah perasaan pada blog yg tak berperasaan dan tak mampu nak beri feedback pada aku ini????? ergggghhhhhhhh tension nye aku....................huhuhuhuhuhu....hati ini dah tak berperasaan............i think i will be an egg instead of the coffee....turn hard after going thru something harsh and hurting in my life!!!!!!
dah le tu....assignment tu dari semlm meminta perhatian.....huhuhu ye la.... nak gi buat arr ni...............

Sedihnye....

hari tu kan...saya ada tulis blog...tapi kan tak tau saya tekan apa...tiba2 dia hilang..dah siap dah..masa tu saya tgh type last sentence. rasa cam nak nangis je... terus saya masuk tido. so semlm rasa cam nak tulis...tapi merajuk arr..penat je meluah perasaan hari tu.. huhuhuhuh.
hari ni saya takde apa nak cakap pun..hari tu cerita pasal saya totally lupa yg saya ada presentation in two weeks. ntahla apa yg saya dok merepek tu pun saya tak ingat... tapi mmg luahan perasaan la.. tanda2 depressi dah mula menunjukkan diri.. huuh..disebabkan kemudahan utk pegi shopping kat town tu terhad..and mmg tak best pun shopping kat town..saya memujuk hati sendiri dgn shopping kat ebay..baru jap tadi saya jumpa sandal.cun sesangat..tapi mahal pun sesgt!!!! tgkje arr...kot2 nanti di-relisting dgn harga yg lebih murah... kot2la...nanti saya nak pakai on my wedding day..ahaks!!!! cantik arr sandal tu...suka sgt!!
skarang ni saya still strugling with my assignment and stuff...so can't wait till the day i am free from all this...ergggggghhhhhhhhh tak suka!!!!!!!!!!!!

wohoooooo

sebenarnyakan...i have nothing to say but then, i need to start on my assignment, so i have to start typing..just to put me in the mood...so i type this blog entree...
the tense that im feeling now make me feel like i want to fly straight to london!!! why london and not home? because i had the greatest time in london! there is no need for me to wake up early, i can go where i want to go, do what i want to do, choose whenever i want to go or do it, no pressure, no worries! just simply fun, fun, fun.... talking bout the perfect vacation for me! ahakss...
yesterday i got this text(sms la) from somebody...and i dont know what to do with the text. i can reply but dont know what to say... i can email but still i dont know what to say... im really sorry if it hurts you (hoping that person will read this)..but u have to know the truth! i know im being cruel...being selfish and all but its to prevent future heartache. i hate doing it u know!the saying 'be cruel to be kind' is sooooooo not me..but i feel i have to for this time round... what ever it is 'what goes around comes around' ... it hurts u and it hurts me too.
i dont know whether i am doing the right thing.. like i have to say what i feel right? even if it will hurt the other person? like i can do it nicely right, i mean politically correct? but of course it will still hurt the other person..at least its better than i keep on acting as if it doesnt bother me right? continue not being myself.. and hurting me deep inside, and make me restless at night for not being honest to the person who always being nice to me? life is sooooooooooooooo complicated...why do i always end up in this kind of situation, why can't i just live a simple life? huh... now i dont even know what to do...do i turn blind and deaf? do i need to do or say anything? or do i carry on my life and pretend that it doesnt happen? or do i continue my life and ignore the fact that i just hurt another soul and not even feeling guilty bout it? what do i do? when do i do it? is there a book title 'a guide to live for idiots like me'? or at least 'a guide to handle emotional bagage for idiots' like me as well.......AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!
c u in the next entree---till then MAY THE FORCE BE WITH ME!!!!!!
where has my lights of confidence gone???????