-less

I am always the kind who took a while to digest in changes. It is a little hard to poke into my thick skull. I took my own sweet time to adjust my feelings to the changes.. be it good or bad.. its the same.

then when i start to warm up to the idea.. getting excited to jump into it. It hit me with the thing that I hate the most. Uncertainty. When things are uncertain.. i refuse to talk, do or even think about it. I hate it when people say what i should or i should not do about things i myself not sure. i hate it even more have to deal with people asking me what happen... so i just sit there, be quiet and pretend nothing happen, until i figure it out. It scares me..its like determining something which could be the other way round..

Even so when things go the less favourable way...i am glad that not many people know about it. I am glad that i dont have to tell lots of people the bad news.. i dont like to disappoint others.. i feel guilty. I feel that what ever happen is my fault.

When i don't have to talk about it.. i don't have to think about it.. i won't feel sad.. its easier to go back to the state before anything change.. i just slip back to my old life. forget that this part ever happens. bury deep in my hearts where no one can ever reach and bring it to the surface again. only I will remember it at the back of my mind.

Let me be the only one who have to face what come may.. those who knows just be on the side lines. pray for me. those who dont know just leave them in the dark. if they dont need to know then...they certainly dont need to know now.


Now I know that I like to keep my private life...very much indeed private.

Haywire

A few months back one of us broke up from a 9 years relationship.

We tried to be together try to support each other.. try our best. But our biggest enemy is our commitment. and distance for most of us. Tho my school is just a shout away from her house.. we barely see each other. We are stuck with work. The rest of us.. KL/Bandar Tenggara/ Penang- Kuantan is just too far to convey a comforting hug, some wisdom words.

To her.. it is hard.. it is painful.. but you have to be strong. you have to show that you are above him. you are the bigger person. Dont let him toy with your feelings.. Dont let him conquer your mind. You can cry...cry with us.. dont cry to him. Cry..cry your heart out.. Please don't let him know that you are crying. Pour...pour everything to us.. Not him. Cos he won't make you feel better... You will make him feel better.. We will try our best to make you feel better.

Due to this situation, one of us invite her to tag along to a vacation trip over the long weekend. So they are going to a peaceful calm and serene place. Hopefully it will help her to clear her head. Make her realise how strong she is than she thinks she is..

But.. fate has its funny way to test us..

This morning, when they are all excited to meet up and chat all night long.. The vacation girl get a phone call.. Her mom is diagnose of breast cancer and immediately scheduled for surgery on the very same day. She obviously drop everything and drive back to her hometown.

If you haven't know.. my mom was diagnose with a breast cancer a year and a half ago. I know exactly how she feels.. I just hope she is okay. I just hope her mom is okay.

Things are so haywire now.. this is a test of our 5points relationship. Married with a child, In a relationship, Just broke up, [sorry babe...] unknown.. and me.. just Married for now.

It is sad for me...when I have a news to tell...they are in deep sadness.. its like fate prevent them from being happy for me..

This is not the first time.. sedih kan.

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crap

Sorry for yet another negative title. I am still obssesed with having a one word title.

On Monday, I apply for a day off this Friday, the reason was to attend my cousins wedding in Kulim, Kedah. about 12pm, I get a phone call saying that my day off was not approved. Gila apa tak lulus???

So I went to face the HeadMaster. [I hate him by the way] I ask what is the reason.. he said because we have an activity that day. This Friday, the kids are going to 'Larian Merentas Desa' or Merentas Taman Perumahan more like it. So, the school needs me to do whatever. I dont know whats the reason. He is crazy.. and then he said in this exact words 'kalau saya bagi awak cuti...apa pulak orang lain kata...' I was like...what ever?? orang nak cakap apa.. its not like I took leave and MC every week. I dont think people care...and plus they dont even have to replace me for my classes..the kids are out running anyway..

Some of the teachers know what happen to me.. I told them just to vent out the bitterness and anger inside me.
And to make things worse..TODAY, I saw on the board another teacher is going to be on leave that very same FRIDAY. She is kindda close to me, so I asked her nicely why is she going on leave and I told her my story.. I was not angry at her but that guy is STUPID and CRAZY!  She understand why I am angry and she asked me to go and see him again today.. but he is not around. He is sooooo bloody crazy!

Apa saya kata kalau orang lain boleh cuti pada hari yang sama dan saya tak boleh?

The other teachers say '..amik MC je qin.. dia nak cakap apa..' but I am more than that..I am going to just leave.. cakap la apa dia nak..haha.. Do I look like I care?

I dont like you...please make sure you approve my transfer..

on a more positive note, tomorrow is hubby's birthday. Why do I have to be this bitter this week? urgghhh

Sad T_T

 And they say bad things happens three times in a row..

first: I have school this Saturday! sucksss

second: I cannot go to Bukit Gambang wit hubby cos its a closed event. Teambuilding. Not Family day affair. NOT FUNNNN!!

third: Our baby got hurt! huhu....sangat sedeyyy... Tho it was not his fault n just a minor accident. That tiny accident make hubby could not come back to me tonite!!!! owhhhh bertambah sedeyy....

too sad to do anything now... i am so sickly sad.. this is soooo not fun!