-less

I am always the kind who took a while to digest in changes. It is a little hard to poke into my thick skull. I took my own sweet time to adjust my feelings to the changes.. be it good or bad.. its the same.

then when i start to warm up to the idea.. getting excited to jump into it. It hit me with the thing that I hate the most. Uncertainty. When things are uncertain.. i refuse to talk, do or even think about it. I hate it when people say what i should or i should not do about things i myself not sure. i hate it even more have to deal with people asking me what happen... so i just sit there, be quiet and pretend nothing happen, until i figure it out. It scares me..its like determining something which could be the other way round..

Even so when things go the less favourable way...i am glad that not many people know about it. I am glad that i dont have to tell lots of people the bad news.. i dont like to disappoint others.. i feel guilty. I feel that what ever happen is my fault.

When i don't have to talk about it.. i don't have to think about it.. i won't feel sad.. its easier to go back to the state before anything change.. i just slip back to my old life. forget that this part ever happens. bury deep in my hearts where no one can ever reach and bring it to the surface again. only I will remember it at the back of my mind.

Let me be the only one who have to face what come may.. those who knows just be on the side lines. pray for me. those who dont know just leave them in the dark. if they dont need to know then...they certainly dont need to know now.


Now I know that I like to keep my private life...very much indeed private.