disturbed

I may claim that my 'kampung halaman' is the Great Britain. I may claim that I am 'British' jokingly. I may claim that 'andai aku dibuang dan tak diterima... andai aku disingkirkan... akan ku lari balik ke UK' hehehe..

but I love this country very much and try not to betray the very same government that give me the chance to be a whole lot better person. The only one chance to realise that there is soooo much more life has to offer!

But when a very respected relative who had a great education and respectable job and a healthy bank account which I assume to be so cultured with a very modern open minded person said something very shallow and ridiculous, it just blew me right away. It hit me straight away that tho I may not be even remotely eligible to be 'Negarawan' and I at any given day, be given the chance to live at another country and dump this teaching job, would definitely take it no question asked, but I still have the guts to at least respect the harmony of the racial integration and be thankful for the life that I have.

It bothers me how can someone so successful in life, living in a big house, working for a GLC company, has a daughter living abroad, siblings living abroad, look-up to by others including myself can utter something so obviously wrong. How on earth someone like that can say that the stupid guy namewee is brilliant?

We are cultured people... we are working toward a develop nation which will not happen overnight. If you are not happy towards something, there are proper channels on which you can express you unhappiness, there are ways you can complain and if all means fail. There is always the newspaper and televisions.. even calling up Karam Singh Walia is ten thousand million times better than trashing the very same country that you live in. The same government that provide the health care for your mom when you were born, the very same country that teach you how to read and write.

And there is another instance where I thought someone else who appears very religious could blame the same organisation that is giving them job and a good life. They say the organisation is not doing their job just because that I haven't been transfered to KL yet. I could say nothing but smile~~ I could say what I am about to write next but it is just not my style to do such thing.

I learned long ago that when things didn't happen the way I wanted them to be, there must be something better! We plan, but God has a better plan for us. After my wedding, I applied to be transfered to KL, and when it didn't happen, I cried and cried and cried non stop. I asked why did you want to see me suffer like that? Why would you waste a teacher who could do so much more than this? Little that we know I will be transfered to Kuantan soon after that to take care of my sister who is going to sit for her SPM n mom who was diagnosed with breast cancer that year. Imagine if I get the transfered to KL. How could I help my dad to send my sister here there and everywhere..  how can I help my mom when she was soo sick?

I believe that God has a lot in store for me. He may not give me what I want all the time...but i certainly get what I needed. I send in my application again this year.. but even if I did or didnt get it.. I know there is something good for me.


on a different note:
I long the company of friends who have the same wavelength and those who share the same 'maturity' with me.. but then, I wont meet these people who really scares me thinking what does the future society has to offer..  and I was again scared by the fact that my students are so unaware that there is another side of the world and there is soooo much more life has to offer...and they live in the very same borderless world!

It scares me...but I am selfish enough not to let the teaching consume my youth. I am destine to be so much more!