wrong

just plain wrong.

i have spent the last 5 minutes to find a bigger word for the title. it was and still is my own little gratification to have a one word title for every post. hehe.

a little off track.
when i have to check the online dictionary for words, it a big sign that i have not spend the last couple of months reading a good book! huhuhu

im here to tell and spill that what i did for the last couple of weeks is ethically wrong and professionally shameful.

i am a teacher.

tho i am not the most dedicated teacher in the whole world, i still want to be a damn good one.

tho it is not my choice to be a teacher, i still want to make the most of it.

tho i may not be a teacher for a long time, but i might still be..but i want to make the difference in the lives that i taught and going to teach.

thats why when i walk into the class, i expect the kids to gain something from the hour i spend for them that day. i take my job seriusly and i want to see the fruits of my labour.

i am not just happy on pay day..
but i am the most happy
when my kids already know how to read and spell correctly.
when they get good grades.
when they are in good behaviour, walk properly in lines
when they remember to switch off the fan and lights when they leave the class
when they say 'Miss Yaqin cantik la hari ni....' hehe that was just me and my ego...=p


thats the joy of being the teacher.

since April i have to teach this one class of Y3. its the last class and damn it was really hard. everytime i walk out of that class, my blood pressure and stress level rises... huhu but the timetable changes from mid July till about early October..when the class was broken up and i get to teach Y2. For a while i was happy as a bee.

but the timetable revert to the previous one and i am back again. it was really a struggle. im always mad and grumpy everytime i came out of the class...

until one day i punish 7 boys to stand in the store room while i check the rest of the class's work. while i was teaching i heard they were laughing and having a good time. immediately i know, it was not my best choice of punishment. their behaviour really struck me that i have failed to be their teacher and to the rest of the class.

i came out of the class with tears running down my cheek because i failed. i talk to a couple of colleagues. they say i should not take it too much to the heart. it is bad for me.

and so.. i decided to not to talk to them, the 7 boys, anymore. lantak ler nak blaja ke tidak ke.. nak buat keje ke, tidak ke.. up to u. i only nod or shake my head. not even eye contact. i have done more than what i can.

not right, i know. ethically and profesionally. i shoudnt but i did it anyway. im not the slightest proud of what i did and i am actually ashamed of what i did. but i did it for my sanity.

after 2 days, i have realise that by ignoring the 7 stooges, i can actually help the rest of the class. i can actually do some real teaching. teaching English to the kids.

i am more at peace now. tho i still dread going to the class, i now walk out of the class without adding a few more lines to my face and a few more inch at my waist.

but it is still WRONG.

tell me how i can make it right again? tell me how i can be a better teacher?